somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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