His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
