gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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