You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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