What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize