i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
