Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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