I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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