I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
