we have pet lesbian snakes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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