glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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