i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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