So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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