Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
