i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
