I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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