White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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