How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
