Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
