Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
