it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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