Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
