hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
