Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
