I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
