Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
