you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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