I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize