Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
