I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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