We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
