Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
