I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
