i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
