Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
a search helicopter?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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