Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
