I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
