So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
