I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
