Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
