I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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