I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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