Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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