you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
not ubering you a puppy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
