I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
