You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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