my vag is so smooth its legendary
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
