She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
