i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
