hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
