Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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