On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
