I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
