Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
