I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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