my mouth tastes like poor choices
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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