the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
