Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
