I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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