all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
