I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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