Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
