Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
