Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
