Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
