If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
