I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
