He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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