i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
