my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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