phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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