I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
