My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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