it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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