The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize