I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
