I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
