I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
