I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
