i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
