I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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