We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
